Barriers to Hospitality

I. Introduction
A. As we talk together about hospitality, the last thing I want to do is lay a guilt trip on you.
1. I actually don’t feel like I’ve led very well re: hospitality as a pastor. There are people in this congregation who have not yet been invited into our home. And now I’m going to stand up here and exhort everyone to be hospitable. And that may be hard for some to hear. This is the case with all congregations listening to a preacher. I hope that you will be willing to hear what God’s word says this morning in spite of my failings.
B. There are many in this congregation who need to be commended for your lifestyle of hospitality. In fact, as a whole, I feel like you all need to be praised more than rebuked in the matter of hospitality.
II. Christ calls His people to a new kind of lifestyle.
A. There are many things about any culture which are neither good nor evil, and there is no reason to abandon those aspects of one’s culture. And there are aspects of every culture that are good, and should not be abandoned by the Christian community. But there are also bad things in every culture that Christians must resist. Christians must refuse to conform to them. We must put off the old ways of the world and strive to put on the ways of Christ.
1. Some of these are more obvious than others. One that is not very obvious but very real is connecting with other people in the form of hospitality, which is especially foreign to our everyone-keep-to-himself culture.
a. We have neighbors we’ve never even met, much less been in each other’s homes.
b. Many Americans, at least in the suburbs, have houses/yards with their own parks, their own playgrounds, their own theaters, their own concert halls. And homeschoolers even have their own schools. Add this to self-serve gas and banks and pretty soon you can go through a week with very little human contact.
B. But the Bible has a different lifestyle which God’s people are called to live: a lifestyle of interaction and hospitality, a lifestyle of opening up our homes and our lives to one another and to outsiders.
1. This is the pattern described in Acts 2:44–47 “All who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.”
2. Christians must not be conformed to this world, but transformed (Rom.12:2). Sometimes this is in major ways of the practice of our faith and morality. But sometimes it’s in subtle things like being neighborly when no one else is.
C. Many other cultures are way ahead of us in this.
1. But our society’s weakness in this is an advantage for us in ministry in that it makes it more impressive when believers practice hospitality.
D. Last week I read a series of Bible commands regarding hospitality. I mentioned that there are about seven verses which explicitly command hospitality by name, including the two we read at the beginning.
1. But there is also a second tier of verses which command the same thing in a more subtle way. For instance, many verses command us to receive others, which is another way of saying to be hospitable. They are commands to extend a welcome to others, to accept them into our circle.
2. I’d like to read one of these more subtle verses now:
3. Phil.2:29 “Receive [Epaphroditus] then in the Lord with all joy and honor such men.”
a. Now the first part we cannot fulfill, but we can certainly keep the latter.
b. It is a privilege to serve the Lord’s beloved people! And great reward will follow!
III. Hospitality to all
A. There is in the NT a special emphasis on hospitality toward the brethren. (E.g. Acts 2:46)
1. 1Peter 4:9 “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.”
2. The NT places a priority on ministering to those in the family:
a. Galatians 6:10 “As we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.”
3. This is mutual hospitality. This is Eccl.4:9-11 hospitality: “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?”
B. But we are also called to be hospitable to outsiders.
1. Remember what I said last week about the Greek word which is translated hospitality in the NT. It is a combination of two Greek words: love and stranger.
a. Xenophobia is an English word which combines the same Greek word for stranger (XENOS) with the Greek word for fear. It means fear of strangers.
b. But xenophobia is very different than hospitality. In fact the two are opposites.
c. Fear and love are mutually exclusive: love casts out fear (1John 4:18)
2. The OT talks about having kindness toward the stranger (e.g. Exod. 22:21; Lev 24:22; 19:10; 19:33; Deut.10:16-19; 24:17-22; 27:19)
3. This is reflected in Job 31:32 "The alien has not lodged outside, I have opened my doors to the traveler.”
4. Jesus emphasizes this same theme: "When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, lest they also invite you in return, and repayment come to you. "But when you give a reception, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, since they do not have the means to repay you; for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous." (Luke 14:12-14)
5. And we read of it in Hebrews 13:1-2 “Let brotherly love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”
C. But hospitality must not only be in the context of inviting people into your home. You can be hospitable by visiting others:
1. James 1:27 “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” (Cf. Acts 10:28)
2. This kind of visiting also implies an extension of oneself, and an acceptance of others.
IV. But the thing I really want to talk about this morning is the barriers to hospitality.
A. Busyness
1. A couple of years ago, we had a man from West Africa visit our church. He was a presbyterian elder who had relocated into this area and was looking for a church. He seemed very interested in ours. I was very eager to do everything I could to welcome this man into our congregation. So I called my son-in-law who lives in West Africa and asked him for any advice. He had this to say: “If you don’t invite him over to your home within the first few weeks he will interpret that as meaning that you really not serious about being his friend.”
2. But we were so busy that we couldn’t find time to do so. Sure enough, within a couple of weeks he was gone.
3. Not part of our busyness is beyond our control. We live in a rat race society and that’s where God has planted us. And He’s called us to serve Him here in this context, not just go elsewhere. The people around us need to see people serving and enjoying Christ in the context of the rat race.
4. However, part of our busyness often is because of our own choices: choices about house size and location, choices about salary, choices about how we commit our free time, etc.
B. But the bigger barrier to hospitality, in my opinion, is this: We care too much about what people think of us.
1. Sometimes this feels more like a lack of confidence: “I won’t know what to do. I’ll be embarrassed by my food or my home.”
2. Let me tell you a personal story, a story of regret which still bothers my wife and I 20 years later. Our family came home late one Saturday evening from three weeks at the beach, put all the kids to bed and my wife and I crashed. The next day our friend Kevin Smith preached at the church. He brought his wife and four daughters. The morning at church ended at around 12:45 and one of the little Smith girls came up to my wife and asked if they were coming over for lunch. My wife and I looked at each other. But we were embarrassed by the fact that we had no food at home. We couldn’t think of one thing to offer them for lunch (and at that time my convictions about the Sabbath would not allow us to go to a restaurant on Sunday). So we didn’t invite them over. When we went home I went to our fridge and freezer, hoping to justify my failure to be hospitable by finding it all empty. But there in the freezer was an enormous box of blueberries we'd forgotten about which Pinkie had delivered to us right before we left for vacation. And we realized we had all the ingredients for a big blueberry pancake feast. And not inviting them has haunted us ever since. The fact is that we were going to have to find something for our family to eat anyway, even if it was peanut butter and jelly, or oatmeal. Why not say, "Look, we just got home so we have no idea what we’re going to eat, but we’d love for you to join us for lunch before you head home!"
3. The desire to impress, this desire to have everything perfect prevents a lot of people from being hospitable.
4. But hospitality is NOT entertainment. It is not a time to show off your home or show off your cooking skills or even show off your family. It’s a time to share your self with another sinner – 1Thes.2:8 — in hopes they will see something of Christ through your relationship.
5. We have to allow others to see our struggles or they’ll think that the thing that makes us different is US. But if they hear about our struggles, they will see that it is Christ that makes the difference.
a. My mother visited us last week and was clearly uncomfortable because everything looked so nice in our house. It made her feel like she keeps her house poorly. Now, I’m not implying anything negative about my wife. She is a tidy person and she was not compulsive about getting the house ready for my mom.
b. My point is this: Sometimes when everything is perfect, it actually makes our witness less effective rather than more. It can make people compare themselves and feel inferior instead of feeling loved. (I’m sure my mom felt very loved by my wife.)
c. We must not fall into the trap of impressing people instead of blessing people.
C. Stress is another reason.
1. For some, when others come over, it means that stress level goes through the roof, which means that sometimes the family ends up being the victim.
2. It is crazy to mistreat children or spouse in order to love your neighbor!
3. We should ask ourselves: Why do I feel such stress? I would suggest that stress is God’s signal to alert us that there’s something wrong in our hearts. Is it because I’m afraid of what others will think?
4. Compromise on the meal, compromise on the house being in order. But don’t compromise on loving your spouse and your children.
a. Prov 15:17 “Better is a dish of vegetables where love is, than a fattened ox and hatred with it.”
5. Teach your kids to love having others over.
a. Wise moms give their kids special love in times of hospitality.
b. And wise husbands give their wives special love in times of hospitality.
6. Remember:
a. Acts 2:46 they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart.
b. Phil.2:29 Receive him then in the Lord with all joy
c. 1Peter 4:9 Be hospitable to one another without complaint.
D. We need to learn to boast in weaknesses (2Cor.12:9-10). If we can’t be comfortable in the messiness of our lives, in the imperfections of our cooking, in our mismatched furniture, we’ll never be able to be hospitable.
1. This morning we heard Jennifer’s testimony about how God broke them by bringing Katie into their lives. They know that for the rest of their lives, things are going to be unpredictable and messy and very imperfect. But they have embraced this and have such a wonderful ministry of welcoming and reaching out to others.
2. And when we can be content with imperfections and failures it is more impressive to our guests.
V. Conclusion
A. Again, the One we’ve learned about here is Jesus Christ. He is the One who models perfect hospitality. The gospel is the story of God’s hospitality toward we who were strangers to Him.
1. We were banished from God’s presence, and yet amazingly He came to us in grace and invited us into His house to sit at His table. He dressed us in the garments of royalty, and fed us with the finest food that ever was or could be!
2. When we are called to practice hospitality, we are being called to imitate God.
a. Listen to Romans 15:7: “Welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.”
3. This is an important way Christ wants to live out His life in us and through us.
4. This is what our lives will be like when we are under the sway not of the flesh but of the Spirit.
5. Jesus wants to shine through us into the lives of others. Just as He opened up His life to us, now He wants to open up His life in us to others.
B. This is why hospitality is an ideal setting for ministry and outreach.
1. We live in a society where many people are hungry for love.
2. If the Christians in this country were obeying the Bible’s commands to be hospitable, I think it would have a gigantic effect upon our society. And to the extent they are, it is having an effect.
3. And GPC has enormous potential to use hospitality in community ministry: befriending people at work, having a neighbor over to your house, going out to a restaurant after the kids’ ballgame.
4. By God’s grace, let’s take our cue not from what everyone else is doing, but from God’s word.