Misunderstandings

4:10 “But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at last you have revived your concern for me; indeed, you were concerned before, but you lacked opportunity.”

One of the big problems in relationships is misunderstandings. It comes from one person saying or doing something and the other person taking it wrongly.

The Philippians did something: after supporting Paul generously for a while, they did not send him a gift for an extended period of time (probably several years). Paul could have taken that as a failure of love. He didn’t. He thought the best of them. He believed Epaphroditus’ testimony that they had just not had an opportunity to help.

Not only that, but notice here how Paul realizes that what he has said in the first part of the verse might be misunderstood as a complaint against them. So he quickly adds words that will make sure they don’t take it that way. Why was Paul so intent on making sure the Philippians didn’t misunderstand him? Because he wants to encourage them in response to their gift, to express appreciation for their kindness. He does not want in any way to discourage them or come across like he is hinting that it’s about time they sent some help. It wasn’t enough for Paul to mean right. He was determined to make his love clear and as unmistakable as possible.

Can we not see the love of Christ in Paul’s concern about the effect of his words on his hearers? Can we not see how he thinks the best of his Philippian brethren and speaks to them in the most gracious way?

Words are important. Clear communication is important. Why? Because people are important. Because God’s beloved ones are to be treated with dignity and graciousness (even though none of us deserve it).

There are two reasons that so many damaging misunderstandings occur. One is that we don’t care enough about loving others. If we were as intent as Paul was on making sure that what we say was kind and loving, we would avoid so many of the problems we get into. The other reason misunderstandings occur is that we fail to put the other person’s words/actions in the best possible light. We fail to think the best, to give the benefit of the doubt. Many would have interpreted the long interruption in the Philippian support as a failure to love Paul or be concerned about him anymore. (Can you imagine all the whining if some of US were in Paul’s situation?)

Here Paul is careful to avoid both pitfalls. May God help us to do the same.

Father of love, forgive me for caring more about being loved than about loving. Please help me to care so much about loving others that I measure my words and go out of my way to make sure what I say is said unmistakably in love. And help me to be slow to accuse. Help me to think the best of others. Help me to give others the judgment of charity, as I would have them do unto me.