A Time to Not Confront

1:23 "But I call God as witness to my soul, that to spare you I did not come again to Corinth."

Some in Corinth have criticized Paul for saying he was going to visit them (see 1Cor.16:5) and then not following through on his word. Paul has already claimed innocence (2Cor.1:12-14), telling them he did not change his plans lightly or as a result of human fleshly reasons (v.15-17). Here in v.23 (and in the following verses) he is explaining WHY he did not visit when he said he would.

With language expressing deep passion and anguish of soul, Paul calls on God to bear witness to the truthfulness of his words: "It was in order to spare you that I did not come again to Corinth." It was not for Paul’s own sake but for their sakes that he changed his plans. So, he insists, his failure to come should be viewed as evidence of his love for them instead of as evidence of some disregard for them.

As Paul explains in the following verses, he had stopped in at Corinth earlier for an unscheduled visit which turned out to be very unpleasant because of the opposition to Paul that had infected the church there, a visit which had prompted him to pen a severe letter to the Corinthians (a letter we don’t have). After sending this letter, Paul thought it best to give the Corinthians time and space so that his exhortations could sink in and have their effect before he visited them again. For their sakes and for the sake of his relationship with them, he did not want another negative visit. So, he did not visit them when he had expected to. He will come later when they have had some time to come around to obedience. Then he will deal firmly with any who remain rebellious (2Cor.10:6).

What lesson is there in this for us? "There is a time for everything under heaven" (Eccl.3). There is a time to confront, and we must not shrink back in fear. Most of us at times fall into the trap of searching for some way of rationalizing our way OUT of confronting.

But this passage shows us that there is also a time to not confront. We must be sensitive to the psychology of the other person. There is a time when confronting would be pushing too hard. There is a time to back off, especially after an initial exhortation, and give the person some space. A harsh word stirs up anger, and too many words of exhortation become harsh even if they are not spoken harshly.

Just as we ought not confront out of anger (which is usually the ONLY time people confront), so we must never hold back from confronting because of cowardice. Whatever we do, confronting or not confronting, it must be done out of love and with love, crafted with the other person’s interests in mind, not our own. It was toward their edification that Paul wrote his severe letter. It was "to spare you I did not come again to Corinth," a visit which would probably have incited a confrontation. I must never confront in order to vent my anger, and I must never shrink back from confronting in order to spare myself. Doing what is best for the other person is true Christ-like love, whether it means speaking tenderly with an adulteress or driving out money lenders with whips.

Forgive me, O Lord, for all the times I have acted according to my fleshly impulses, instead of acting out of love. Forgive me for the times I have confronted out of anger or failed to confront because of cowardice. Help me to be an instrument of Your love, guided not by what is easy or natural or convenient, but guided, empowered and compelled by Your forgiving, transforming love.