Young Adults 4: Thinking About Marriage 2

7/1/12 Title: “Young Adults 4: Thinking About Marriage 2” Proverbs 19:13, 21:9, 19; 25:24
I. Introduction
A. Series: young adults
B. Part 2 of Helping young single adults think wisely about getting married
C. Honestly, I often wish I could counsel young people BEFORE they get into a serious relationship. Well, these sermons are what I would like to say.
D. Next week: Frank Pugh
II. Read
A. Proverbs 19:13 “A quarrelsome wife is like a continual dripping.”
B. Prov.21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
C. Pro.21:19 “It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.”
D. Proverbs 25:24 “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.”
III. Explanation
A. Let’s start with what these verses don’t say.
B. Does this mean women are more sinful than men? Or that there are more difficult wives than there are difficult husbands? Or that a man’s pain in a difficult marriage is more intense than a woman’s?
C. Proverbs was, after all, written by an older man to a young man. So, it’s written from a man’s perspective.
D. But the fact that these verses describe the pain of having a difficult wife does not mean it’s not equally painful to have a difficult husband.
1. Abigail’s husband Nabal is sufficient proof of that. (1Sam.25)
2. And you get at least a hint of the pain of wives who live with difficult husbands in 1Peter 3:1-2. After addressing slaves who serve unjust masters, and pointing to Christ’s example as He was silent before His accusers and tormentors, Peter writes, “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
a. The fact that her husband is disobedient to the word is grieving to a godly wife. And trying to win him without a word means that he’s not willing to listen to what his wife has to say to him, no matter how sweetly and lovingly she says it.
b. You don’t have to be a psychologist to discern that this is a painful situation for the wife.
E. We must also recognize the difference between sinful quarrelsomeness and an assertive, expressive personality.
1. Let’s not be quick to accuse someone of being contentious or quarrelsome just because they are ready to state their opinion.
IV. Application
A. Why are these verses here?
1. To inform women how much pain they give their husbands when they are contentious? Sure.
2. In a broader sense, to inform all spouses how much pain they give their spouses when they are difficult? Sure.
3. Do you think the Bible wants to warn us about just how unpleasant a bad marriage is?
4. I would suggest that these verses are also here to warn single young people to be careful about who they marry, to realize how painful it is to be married to a difficult spouse.
B. If you marry someone with an anger problem, guess who’s going to get yelled at for the rest of your life? And guess who’s children are going to get yelled at?
1. If you marry a lazy person, guess who’s going to do most of the work for the rest of your life.
2. If you marry a person who complains a lot, guess what you’re going to be listening to your whole life.
3. If you marry a self-absorbed person, guess who’s going to lots and lots of listening and little speaking.
C. What’s it like in bed at night for these two? No matter how much physical attractiveness there is.
1. You generally don’t have a good physical relationship if you have a bad personal relationship.
2. That can be a wilderness too.
D. These verses are given us with the husband as the protagonist and the wife as the antagonist. But if we look at it from the other perspective, there is something to learn as well.
1. Do you think this wife is happy?
2. Obviously, she doesn’t like the way her husband leads, she doesn’t like the decisions he makes.
V. The two sides of marriage
A. There are some other verses in Proverbs, verses we hear about more often, verses like 31:10-12, 30 “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life... Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
B. And God gave us that verse and others like it so we could aspire to that kind of marriage.
C. But the Bible also gave us verses like these so we would have legitimate and appropriate fears as we go through the process of finding a life mate.
D. There is nothing in life which has more potential to give happiness or sorrow than marriage/family.
VI. Keeping things in perspective
A. The pain here is not ultimate pain, but the pain of annoyance, difficulty and discomfort.
1. a continual dripping, living on a corner of the roof, living in a desert land
2. It’s long, drawn-out, draining, wearisome pain
3. It’s not acute pain like vinegar on sensitive teeth, or smoke in the eyes (10:26, 25:20)
4. Not hell, dying, torture: permanent banishment to the outer darkness, the worm does not die, unquenchable fire, other hell images
5. One of our problems is that we mistake normal earthly sufferings with ultimate eternal sufferings.
a. I’m dying in this heat!
b. It’s hot as Hades out there!
c. This class is pure torture!
6. And pain hurts! But there is a pain that makes another pain seem small by comparison.
7. But be careful about exaggerating the pain of a difficult marriage. I would never want to make light of the painful realities of marital struggle, but the fact is that it doesn’t belong in the same category as ultimate pain. And it’s important to know that to keep things in perspective.
B. Even if you end up in the one of these frustrating, uncomfortable marital situations, it’s not the end of the world.
1. It’s important to put the pain in perspective.
2. Being in a hard marriage isn’t the worst thing in the world. And there are advantages of a difficult marriage. In one sense those who have difficult marriages are the most blest.
a. It teaches them patience and steadfastness.
b. It is an agent of humility in their lives every day.
c. It reminds them constantly that their happiness is not in this earth.
d. It drives you to Christ. It helps you cry out to the Lord everyday for help.
e. It opens up the opportunity to experience Christ as one’s lover in a way that someone who didn’t have to experience those marital difficulties never could.
f. Lorton brothers who said: “I’m so glad the Lord brought me here so I could come to know Him.”
3. There is a joy which makes this world’s greatest sufferings look tiny in comparison.
a. “This light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” (2Cor.4:17)
4. A difficult marriage takes nothing away from the joy of the gospel.
a. Our sins are still forgiven. Our hope is still secure. Our names are still written in the Book of Life.
5. Not only that: His burden is light. (Matt.13) And He helps us lift it.
6. It is possible to have a difficult spouse and the joy of the Holy Spirit.
7. It is possible to struggle every day with your relationship with your spouse and still have the peace that passes understanding.
8. In fact, this is exactly what the peace that passes understanding refers to.
a. Most people think that peace comes from things like a lovely, happy, glowing love relationship.
b. And so peace which comes in the midst of a hard, laborious, painful relationship is beyond understanding. It is the peace that passes understanding!
c. And most people think that joy in life comes from things like being in a lovely, happy, glowing love relationship. But there is a joy that does not come from marriage but from the Holy Spirit. And it’s a joy that comes in spite of a hard marriage.
C. Many of God’s people have made lots of mistakes, and yet by God’s grace we’re making it through.
D. But the Bible wants us to know that it is really hard, so we’ll be careful and humble.
E. Perhaps the greatest danger of all is to do it all right and feel pride about it.